This might be old news (check the date on James Hetfield’s last Xanax refill) but it’s new to me: Jason Newstead is now the bassist for Ozzy Osbourne.
Seems to be the perfect fit; he’ll join Mike Bordin, who is responsible for breaking up FNM, and Zack Wylde, who is responsible for the untimely death of Estelle Getty (joking! it was waaaaaay time. . .). You may remember that Newstead was responsible for breaking up Metallica. It went a little someting like this–
Scene: A row of overstuffed couches in a room adjoning a recording studio. Incense smoke and unironic skulls are everywhere.
Jason Newstead: “I think this group therapy thing is fucking lame beyond recognition.”
James Hetfield: “No! I think you’re fucking lame beyond recognition!”
Lars Ulrich: “Oh, SNAP!”
Newstead: “Jesus. I’m outta here.”
Hetfield: “I know, because I just fired you with the intensity of my mind!”
Ulrich: (makes frown-y, pooch-y face and airdrums on various skulls)
End scene. Forever.
Ozzy showed his gratitude and excitement by saying something unintelligible to the point of nonsense.
pirategeorge.com 
This happened in 2006? Where was I? Oh, yeah, not giving a CRAP.