Freaky Friday: The Metal Years

various drug dealers, speech therapists, hair stylists, and softball coaches
Not Pictured: various drug dealers, speech therapists, hair stylists, and softball coaches

This might be old news (check the date on James Hetfield’s last Xanax refill) but it’s new to me: Jason Newstead is now the bassist for Ozzy Osbourne.

Seems to be the perfect fit; he’ll join Mike Bordin, who is responsible for breaking up FNM, and Zack Wylde, who is responsible for the untimely death of Estelle Getty (joking!  it was waaaaaay time. . .).  You may remember that Newstead was responsible for breaking up Metallica.  It went a little someting like this–

Scene:  A row of overstuffed couches in a room adjoning a recording studio.  Incense smoke and unironic skulls are everywhere.

Jason Newstead: “I think this group therapy thing is fucking lame beyond recognition.”

James Hetfield: “No!  I think you’re fucking lame beyond recognition!”

Lars Ulrich: “Oh, SNAP!”

Newstead: “Jesus. I’m outta here.”

Hetfield: “I know, because I just fired you with the intensity of my mind!”

Ulrich: (makes frown-y, pooch-y face and airdrums on various skulls)

End scene.  Forever.

 

Ozzy showed his gratitude and excitement by saying something unintelligible to the point of nonsense.

2 thoughts on “Freaky Friday: The Metal Years

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