Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Cowbell

Brief summary of important risk information COWBELL (bovinated idiophone) What is COWBELL? COWBELL is a medicine prescribed for people with low or moderately low internalized rhythm, made from the same natural ingredients found in salsa.  Commonly used in the bovine industry, COWBELL has been tested and prescribed for adult rock-and-roll patients. Who should not take COWBELL? DO NOT TAKE COWBELL IF YOU: are vegan. […]

Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Banjo



Jeez, no one knows.  The versions most similar to modern banjos, with pegged tuning and fingerboards, turned up in the 17th century.  Before that, though, nearly every culture known had some sort of resonating instrument that could have been the father of the banjo.

Since this a rock and roll post,  your “when” question might be “when did white people steal the banjo from black people?”  We know this one: sometime in the 1830’s.  And we know who! Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Banjo”

Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Twelve-String Bass Guitar



The first 12-string bass was invented in 1978, sometime between the Jonestown Massacre and the first limited-theater release of The Deer Hunter, giving it the kind of ominous, Satanic creditably it would need to perform as a rock and roll instrument.


The 12-stringed bass in question was made by Jol Dantzig, the perfect German horror stage name for some baby-eating pig masturbator or equally demonic person, Hell-bent on building a Starbucks for the Antichrist with the power of rock music. Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Twelve-String Bass Guitar”

Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Chainsaw



Before it was a musical instrument, the chainsaw was a medical instrument; the chainsaw, operated by hand to remove diseased limbs from living patients, was invented in 1785 by Scottish doctors, proving that the stereotype of Scotsmen being such drunkards that they thought a hand-cranked saw used to sever legs off of their living owners was a good idea is not a modern construct. Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Chainsaw”

Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Keytar



Well, let’s get this out of the way first: Edgar Winter’s keyboard strapped around his shoulders out of bad-ass necessity in the Seventies does not count.  He’s already a Confirmed Rockstar and The Coolest Albino Since Raistlin Majere; I am sure he will get over the heartache of not also being the inventor of the keytar. Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Keytar”