Tag: Boring Boring Rock Arsenal

When? The oboe was developed by the French in the 17th century, taking an already silly instrument with a tone fit only for military outdoor signal calling and enemy intimidation, the shawm, and making it over complicated.  This is why most French preparations for duck involve some sort of steampunk contraption and leftover gynecological tools […]

When? The theremin was invented in 1920, which is why it slyly is shown as background furniture on the cover of all of your Decopunk graphic novels. [NOTE: I’ve made every attempt to be factual and accurate, if irreverently so, in all of my “insightful humor” posts.  Be warned, though, that the propaganda machines behind both the […]

Brief summary of important risk information COWBELL (bovinated idiophone) What is COWBELL? COWBELL is a medicine prescribed for people with low or moderately low internalized rhythm, made from the same natural ingredients found in salsa.  Commonly used in the bovine industry, COWBELL has been tested and prescribed for adult rock-and-roll patients. Who should not take COWBELL? DO NOT TAKE COWBELL IF YOU: are vegan. […]

When?

The first 12-string bass was invented in 1978, sometime between the Jonestown Massacre and the first limited-theater release of The Deer Hunter, giving it the kind of ominous, Satanic creditably it would need to perform as a rock and roll instrument.

Who?

The 12-stringed bass in question was made by Jol Dantzig, the perfect German horror stage name for some baby-eating pig masturbator or equally demonic person, Hell-bent on building a Starbucks for the Antichrist with the power of rock music. Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Twelve-String Bass Guitar”

When?

The flute was created one time at a band camp in Germany, in or around 33,000 BC. Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Flute”

When?

Before it was a musical instrument, the chainsaw was a medical instrument; the chainsaw, operated by hand to remove diseased limbs from living patients, was invented in 1785 by Scottish doctors, proving that the stereotype of Scotsmen being such drunkards that they thought a hand-cranked saw used to sever legs off of their living owners was a good idea is not a modern construct. Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Chainsaw”

When?

Well, let’s get this out of the way first: Edgar Winter’s keyboard strapped around his shoulders out of bad-ass necessity in the Seventies does not count.  He’s already a Confirmed Rockstar and The Coolest Albino Since Raistlin Majere; I am sure he will get over the heartache of not also being the inventor of the keytar. Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Keytar”

When?

Gongs started appearing in the annals of Chinese history around 500 AD; the Northern Wei dynasty, in an act of Sinicization, used the gong in their dealings with their northern Manchurian neighbors to let them know that they were not at all talented and to get off the stage. Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Gong”

When?

1974 was when the first production models were shipped, and it seems that it will be around for tens of thousands of years.

Who?

Invented by Emmett Chapman, who looks exactly what you think a 70’s jazz guitarist looks like.  Exactly. Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Chapman Stick”