During my recent respite from the blog, I had or heard quite a few conversations that were variations on the theme, “_______ sounds an awful lot like _________”. Let’s fill in the blanks, tie up some loose ends, and give a sneak peek of writing to come. 1. “Honey Hush” by Foghat sounds an awful […]
Author: pirategeorge
Heavy and bearded, but nonthreatning; like if a woodland recluse was your Tooth Fairy. Music and food addict. Pigs and ponies.
A Brief Note Pertaining To Badasses
BADASSES.
Knee Play: Zen Garden
1. Every time I look over to the sliver of light between the curtain panels my skull tries to breach through the sockets of my eyes. Getting out of bed is working a huge puppet with slack wet ropes. Good Lord I’m crazy. 2. Here’s a secret: cinnamon in the meat. Quarter of a teaspoon […]
Giants In The Earth
“There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown.” — Genesis 6:4 1. They used to call me “Forty-Four” when I […]
Gimme Five: She
Most rock is made by a “he”, so “she” comes up a lot as a foil, some more blunt than others. Here’s five of my favorite examples: 1. “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic”, The Police I know that funerals aren’t supposed to be entertaining, but I really love this song, and it is […]
Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Cowbell
Brief summary of important risk information COWBELL (bovinated idiophone) What is COWBELL? COWBELL is a medicine prescribed for people with low or moderately low internalized rhythm, made from the same natural ingredients found in salsa. Commonly used in the bovine industry, COWBELL has been tested and prescribed for adult rock-and-roll patients. Who should not take COWBELL? DO NOT TAKE COWBELL IF YOU: are vegan. […]
Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Banjo
When?
Jeez, no one knows. The versions most similar to modern banjos, with pegged tuning and fingerboards, turned up in the 17th century. Before that, though, nearly every culture known had some sort of resonating instrument that could have been the father of the banjo.
Since this a rock and roll post, your “when” question might be “when did white people steal the banjo from black people?” We know this one: sometime in the 1830’s. And we know who! Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Banjo”
Cold Gin Time, Episode Two: Dressed To Kill
Intro: Cold Gin Time Opening Credits
Scene: Before-hours bar at what appears to be TGI Friday’s-type restaurant; items visible on the walls include a Radio Flyer Wagon with pink-and-orange flame decals, carousal horse repainted in pink camo motif, various hubcaps, and an inflatable sex doll with a fencing rapier duct taped to one hand. Kent Caudle and Paul Stanley sit at the bar, facing camera. In the background, a wedding rehearsal is taking place, the bride wearing her veil with an Eddie Bauer t-shirt and jorts.
Kent Caudle: “Hi, I’m Kent Caudle of The Pirate George Letters…”
Paul Stanley: “…and I’m Paul Stanley from the band, KISS! Welcome back to Cold Gin Time! Today we’re talking about the Martini, New Amsterdam gin, and the album, Dressed To Kill. Get ready to get classed up!” Continue reading “Cold Gin Time, Episode Two: Dressed To Kill”
Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Twelve-String Bass Guitar
When?
The first 12-string bass was invented in 1978, sometime between the Jonestown Massacre and the first limited-theater release of The Deer Hunter, giving it the kind of ominous, Satanic creditably it would need to perform as a rock and roll instrument.
Who?
The 12-stringed bass in question was made by Jol Dantzig, the perfect German horror stage name for some baby-eating pig masturbator or equally demonic person, Hell-bent on building a Starbucks for the Antichrist with the power of rock music. Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Twelve-String Bass Guitar”
The Commercial
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Here’s the commercial for Scientology that ran during the Super Bowl. I find it really odd that a church feels it needs a commercial, and feels that it needs one so badly that it runs one during the Commercial Olympics. Yes, it might need an image scrub or a facelift, but there’s nothing new and improved about Scientology. Notice the commercial never states “now with less litigation” or “75% less science fiction” anywhere. Same old stuff.
I should be, by all accounts, the last person in the universe to tell someone how to take a spiritual journey. The churches are the things I find untrustworthy; I’m fine with whatever religion you choose to get you closer to peace. Still Scientology, for whatever reason, is the last religion I tend to give breaks to. Scientology needs a spokesperson, not a commercial. Scientology needs someone I can easily give a break to. Scientology needs a hero.
Beck Hansen, please step forward. Continue reading “The Commercial”
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