Author: pirategeorge

Heavy and bearded, but nonthreatning; like if a woodland recluse was your Tooth Fairy. Music and food addict. Pigs and ponies.

Knee Play 4/4

There were a number of prominent contemporary rock musicians in the audience, including members of the newly-formed Buffalo Springfield, and the expatriate Elvis imitator P. F. Sloan, but it was James Brown that Elvis instantly sought out… James Brown says, “Man, Elvis, you sure do sleep a lot.”  And Elvis almost fell on the floor, […]

Knee Play 3/4

Consider this: how would you like to be black and gay in Macon, Georgia in 1956? He’s lucky he made it alive in the mines singing like that.  He was brilliant. You don’t get that sort of personality now, and if you do it’s carefully planned, Like Lady GaGa.             […]

Knee Play 2/4

Cover your mouth because you almost choke, You see the mailman’s dick way up your wife’s throat.                         — Slick Rick, “Treat Her Like A Prostitute”  

Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Chainsaw

Gasoline-Chainsaw-CS2500-

When?

Before it was a musical instrument, the chainsaw was a medical instrument; the chainsaw, operated by hand to remove diseased limbs from living patients, was invented in 1785 by Scottish doctors, proving that the stereotype of Scotsmen being such drunkards that they thought a hand-cranked saw used to sever legs off of their living owners was a good idea is not a modern construct. Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Chainsaw”

Cold Gin Time, Episode One: KISS

Intro: Cold Gin Time Opening Credits

SCENE: naturally-lit before-hours bar interior.  Kent Caudle and Paul Stanley sit at the bar, facing camera.  The occasional bar employee with a hand truck full of liquor cases passes by in the distance

Kent Caudle: “Hi, I’m Kent Caudle of The Pirate George Letters…”

Paul Stanley: “…and I’m Paul Stanley from the band, KISS!  And it is Cold Gin Time again!”

PS flashes “devil” horns

KC: “Welcome to the premier episode of Cold Gin Time, where me and Starchild here,” nods to Stanley “discuss a different classic album from KISS, a different brand of gin, and a different classic gin cocktail each week.”

PS: “This week we drink a classic Gin Rickey made with Beefeater London Dry  gin…” Continue reading “Cold Gin Time, Episode One: KISS”

A Brief Note Pertaining to Psychos

LAPD is currently looking(and by “looking” I mean “killing random people similar in build, color, or vehicle occupancy”) for Christopher Jordan Dorner, ex cop and psychopath.  I say he is a psychopath because of the manifesto he left for the world as a bon voyage to Crazy Island.  Especially this part: “Hanz Zimmer, William Bell, Eric […]

Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Keytar

Keytar

When?

Well, let’s get this out of the way first: Edgar Winter’s keyboard strapped around his shoulders out of bad-ass necessity in the Seventies does not count.  He’s already a Confirmed Rockstar and The Coolest Albino Since Raistlin Majere; I am sure he will get over the heartache of not also being the inventor of the keytar. Continue reading “Boring, Boring Rock Arsenal: The Keytar”